Episode 8: “into the shadows” with tegan eden
This week, Aoife interviews tegan eden about “into the shadows” from ENCORE. or, an incomplete and contradictory history of jaylen hotdogfingers, her trials and tribulations. “I feel that deeply, because we were puttin’ out like an album a week, for a hot minute there and I felt, like, so much pressure to be on every single one,” tegan says, explaining the emotional journey behind their song, “and when I finally let go of that, like… ‘They will forget about me if I’m not on this next one,’ I was so much happier making music.”
tegan eden is a mechanic and a musician in the Pacific Northwest. they like impromptu dance parties, naps in the sun, and can karaoke sober. You can find more of their music at tonalchroma.bandcamp.com.
This episode of idol board was edited by BONES, hosted by Aoife, produced by Tangereen Velveteen, transcribed by SigilCrafter Aya, and written by Aoife and Tangereen Velveteen. Find all episodes and transcripts of idol board at fourth-strike.com/podcast and follow @idolboard on Twitter for updates. Get all episodes plus bonuses by supporting Fourth Strike on Patreon.
Listen to “into the shadows” by the garages on Blandcamp:
Episode Transcript
[musical intro plays]ANNOUNCER:
You’re listening to a Fourth Strike production.[The intro to ‘into the shadows’ plays and fades out]
AOIFE:
Hello and welcome to idol board! I’m Aoife, and I use she/her pronouns. In this podcast, I will be interviewing members of the garages about their songs, their creation process, and possible inspirations. My guest for this episode is garages’ band member tegan eden. Thanks for coming on, tegan! Can you tell us your pronouns, blood type, and what song you’ll be talking about with us today?TEGAN:
Hi! Thanks for having me! Uh, my pronouns are fluid, so they/them is always correct, uh, my blood type is “o no”, and today I’ll be talking about ‘into the shadows’ off of ‘ENCORE’AOIFE:
Fantastic! So, first up, a couple of questions we ask everybody: How did you get into blaseball? When and why did you join the garages in particular?TEGAN:
Um, I was introduced to blaseball via the Waypoint Podcast. They just, like, talked about it one day and I thought “Sure, I’ll give that a shot!” I picked the garages because I live in the Pacific Northwest and I wanted to, like, represent a Pacific Northwest team. And I joined in, like, season 2, so this was, like, before the garages had a lot of music around. And I think that if I had seen all the music I would have been too intimidated to join the garages, so I’m glad I joined when I did. [tegan chuckles]AOIFE:
Yeah, it’s certainly very intimidating, as a new member of the band. So, outside of the garages, what’s your musical background?TEGAN:
Uh, I grew up in, like, my family was super involved in community theatre, and, like, church worship teams, and drama clubs, and stuff like that, so, like, performance was a huge part of my upbringing. I’ve been signing for as long as I can remember. And then, in high school is when I really came into my own, and got a guitar, and played every single high school talent show and always did weird emo covers and hardly ever wrote original music, but that was my beginning was, like, the one weird queer kid in school with a guitar [tegan laughs]AOIFE:
I very much support that. [tegan laughs again] With the garages, you’ve been with them since the very first release. Why did you want to talk about this song in particular?TEGAN:
Part of the reason why I suggested talking about ‘into the shadows’ was because it was a song that wrote itself. I feel like a lot of the music that I make… is a trial to, like, get it out there and I basically wrote ‘into the shadows’ over the course of, like, a day, and that never happens for me? So I figured it would be a cool one to celebrate.AOIFE:
Why do you think that it happened that quickly in particular, for this song?TEGAN:
Um.. I- Uh, hmm. [pauses for a moment] According to my, like, internal save files, I basically wrote it all on Sunday, September 20th and that was exactly a week after Mike Townsend got shadowed. So I think that I had just, like, spent a week thinking about, like… like, there was a lot of discussion in the Discord about, like, Mike going into the shadows and, like, what that looked like and what that meant, and so it was just, like- like, weighed heavy on me, and I think that it was just one of those things where I, like, put some music down and then just started to sing, and it was like “Oh this is a whole ass song! Like, dang!” [tegan laughs] I think I was just, like, in my feelings all week and then it all came out on Sunday.AOIFE:
That- that’s really interesting ’cause a lot of- a lot of people have been talking on this podcast about how their creative process is different with the garages then it is with most of their music.TEGAN:
Mmm. Yeah.AOIFE:
So, for this particular song, what were your inspirations?TEGAN:
With this one, I didn’t actually have- I, like, didn’t set out with, like, specific inspirations. For, like, a lot of the songs I do, I’m, like, you know, okay, I want it to sort of have this vibe, or, like, oh I heard this cool drum beat how can I put that into my music. So I think this one that there’s, like, less, like, particular songs that I can point to and more just, like, general vibes. I feel like I have to mention Julien Baker who is, like, a sad queer who does a lot of, like, guitar and a looper pedal, and that’s, like, her set up. And that was basically what this song was- is, like, me with my guitar and a single little box that just, like, looped the same thing over and over again. There is an artist named Haux, H-A-U-X, and a lot of his stuff is very, like, one or two instruments and ethereal vocals and he does a cover of Daughter’s ‘Youth’ that I probably listen to once a week. [tegan chuckles] I’m sure that I listen to this song often enough that it’s, like, in my subconscious now, so I would say that I’ve gotta mention those artists.AOIFE:
This song in particular tells a story that a lot of garages songs touch on. Blaseball has very little that is actually canon. What’s your version of the necromancy tale for yourself?TEGAN:
For, like, the necromancy in general, I try to leave it… sort of vague. I think it’s more interesting for, like, me to view myself as, like, a fan in the stands seeing something weird happen on the pitch and not understanding what’s happening. But the thing that really stuck with me about Mike being sent to the shadows was we were talking in Discord about, like, okay what does that look like? Can he still be around? And I- I don’t remember how it got brought up but people were talking about, like, what if there are, like, rumors that he’s still around but nobody can guarantee it? I really like the idea of Mike being… unaware that people don’t remember him. Or this sort of, like, weird disconnect of, like, “Ah he’s around somewhere but I haven’t seen him in a hot minute or I know” and just people, like, looking past him. And I think, like, for me that’s, like, the most important part about Mike being shadowed is that he’s, like, kind of stuck inbetween planes, kind of, for me.AOIFE:
What makes blaseball really interesting is that there is, like, no set canon. As we said, and basically you all were able to basically decide “This is what I think happens”TEGAN:
And I would love to see how other teams approach their… lore and, like, what they consider canon or- or whether or not stuff is canon, because the garages, we want everyone to, like, feel represented and be happy, and I just- like, sometimes that makes it hard to reach consensus. So I just- I would love to be a fly on the wall for another team one day [tegan chuckles]AOIFE:
‘into the shadows’ predominantly features the use of tremolo. Can you explain what that is for our audience and why you chose to use it in this particular piece?TEGAN:
Tremolo is basically… I think that it started in, like, the 1600’s or something as a way to notate for orchestras, like, ‘the volume varies’. So it gets louder and quieter. I use a particular pedal that does that automatically; I can set the speed at which it switches from, like, lower to higher volume. Some… common examples that people might know that they might recognize tremolo from is like The Smiths’ ‘How Soon Is Now?’ or like Green Day’s ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’. Like, those are songs that, like, as soon as you hear it it’s like “Ope! There’s tremolo in this!” because it’s, like, sort of a wash and a back and forth and an in and out, and that sort of, like… the immaterialness of tremolo felt perfect for this situation.AOIFE:
There is a tremendous amount of motion in ‘into the shadows’. It’s a very dark and a very melancholy piece. Where did that come from?TEGAN:
Well… [tegan exhales] 2020 has been a year [tegan laughs sardonically] I have always really struggled with… the bigger the crowd I’m in, the more alone I feel and I think… between being involved in something as it was, like, super growing and also feeling super isolated from the people in my life, which again, is, like, safe and I’m- it’s the right choice. But it’s… It- just feeling really isolated, and also that moment of wondering, like “Do my friends miss me? Do they think about me?” Y-you know, I was, like, processing internally, but wasn’t like- I wasn’t having, like, deep thoughts at night about like [dramatically] “Why do I feel alone?” And it just was one of those things that has- had been, like, sort of an undercurrent, I think, and it just so happened when I started to, like… sing the line ‘What else can you do when all your friends look through you’… who hasn’t been at, like, a crowded table with a large group of friends and spoken up and had nobody notice? So I- I was just, like, channeling a lot of that, like… sort of emotional turmoil that comes with having a lot of friends and not being able to see them, I guess.AOIFE:
Yeah, I definitely understand that as another person who’s going through COVID right now. I’m- actually, for the folks at home, I am recording this from quarantine, um, which is fun!TEGAN:
Yikes!AOIFE:
I’m doing fine, none of y’all need to worry about me, but I really understand that, because the character of Mike, to me, is very much someone who, like… is intensely self-conscious of his friends opinions and what they think of him-TEGAN:
-Mmm. Yeah.AOIFE:
-and rightfully so, because, the garages made three songs about it, well actually now five, but the character is someone who- very much a person coming to terms with the fact that the people who say they care about them only care about them because of the fact that- you know- they’re a good player at blaseball, and the second they’re not, everything goes away.TEGAN:
Yeah, My, um, personal headcanon for Mike, because he’s gone back in the shadows again, is that he came back for a season and was like “Actually, y’all are jerks. I was happier being a baker. I’ll see y’all later”.AOIFE:
Mike has all of these feelings that we all struggle with on a daily basis. Especially as artists, people who make art, it’s scary to w- wonder if your art wasn’t good, would they care about you? If you become washed up, like, is everyone going to leave you? And I think that’s a struggle that a lot of artists face, and I think that’s why Mike has been so prominent in the story of the garages.TEGAN:
Yeah. And not to get, like, too real, but I feel that deeply because we were puttin’ out like an, uh, an album a week, for a hot minute there and I felt, like, so much pressure to be on every single one, and when I finally let go of that, like… “They will forget about me if I’m not on this next one” I was so much happier making music. It was so much easier to, like, not have to make music. It was way more fun when I was, like, inspired and I’m really glad that, like, A. there are twenty plus people so there are plenty of songs out there, uh, but also that I, like, gave myself permission to let that go a little bit. It was great, so… I don’t know. Artists out there, it’s okay! You don’t have to be perfect! [tegan laughs]AOIFE:
So, of this song as a whole, what- what’s your favorite part? What are you most proud of?TEGAN:
I think one of the things I’m most proud of is that it wasn’t hard to write? [tegan chuckles] But also there’s like a sort of lead line that goes over the top, um, that when I first released it people were, like, “Is that a cello?”[The guitar stem from ‘into the shadows’ plays briefly, and fades out]
TEGAN:
And it was just, like, me putting my guitar through a ton of effects and, like, playing it weirdly softly and… ramping up and stuff like that, but the fact that I just was, like, noodling around and people were like “Woah a cello!” and I was like “Ooo! I tricked people! That’s great!” So I was really proud of the tone that I was able to achieve with that. That was pretty cool.AOIFE:
I… never would have guessed that that was a guitar, actually. Um, so you kind of blew my mind there.TEGAN:
Nice. Mission successful! [both chuckle]AOIFE:
You talked a little bit about this, but what has the community reaction been like for this song?TEGAN:
‘ENCORE’ might have been the first album that we did, like, a lyric video release for and it just so happened that that Friday afternoon my- nobody I work with is allowed to listen to this podcast now- my boss went home early, so I got my phone out and I as I was- I was able to, like, watch the chat actually, which was, like, really exciting and cool and people just being like “Oh woah, look! Like, tegan’s putting music out! That’s so exciting!” But I think the moment that, like, really messed me up, like, in a great way was when the… eternal band started playing on the Discord, and I just so happened to, like, I was like “Oh, this is so cool! I’m so excited to, like..” and I hopped in and like minutes after I joined, they played ‘into the shadows’… And it was, like, so surreal to have like, I don’t even know how many people, just, like, listening and enjoying it, and chat was, like, full of candles. Everybody was, like, posting emoji candles and just, like, having this moment of like “Oooh, everybody come together and raise your lighters!” and it, like, it- it felt so much like a performance to me in that moment, even though I was, like, sitting, um, at my computer doing- just, like, watching chat with, li-like, tears in my eyes, but it was- just, like, so cool that people were like “Yeah this is one of the songs you get your lighter out to” and I was like “Alright! [tegan laughs] Cool! Thanks y’all! That’s real sweet!”AOIFE:
So lastly, outside of your own work, what do you think is the most underrated song by the garages?TEGAN:
Um… I… personally, think that yana’s song ‘lottery pick’… I think that’s on ‘in the reverb’ has such a great rhythm and such a great tone and I just, like, want a whole rock anthem that’s just like six minutes of that. [The first verse of ‘the lottery pick’ plays, and fades out]TEGAN:
I don’t know. Maybe one day when I have time I will do an epic cover of that one. ‘Cause I definitely think that that is just one of those songs that I can’t help but to sing along to.AOIFE:
Thank you so much for joining us on idol board, a podcast where we interview members of the garages, an anarcho-syndicalist blaseball band, from the fictional location of Seattle. We make songs about being gay, the apocalypse, and fighting the gods. And you can find our music at blandcamp.com, with an L, spotify, or on youtube. We’ll see you next week! Now, here’s ‘into the shadows’ by tegan of the garages.[‘into the shadows’ plays in its entirety]
ANNOUNCER:
idol board is edited by Ada Quinn, BONES, Jennifer Cat, Nerdy Sims, and zach.ry, hosted by Aoife, produced by Tangereen Velveteen, transcribed by SigilCrafter Aya and Merry, and written by Aoife and Tangereen Velveteen.[outro music plays]